There is Always Room for Growth

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."

- Anaïs Nin

My graduation post got me thinking about my own personal growth since I've moved away from home. I'd like to think I've changed to some extent. 

I think I've become a better individual. I've learned to harness my well known temper to some degree. But heck, who is perfect. I've tried to find ways to focus my frustrations into things, to make them better. It relieves my stress and removes the anger. Sometimes, I can do simple tasks like listen to music to calm myself. 

I learned how to focus my energy into individual tasks, as well as spread it so that I can multitask. I've learned that even though I think I can, sometimes I can't and I need to ask for help. 

I think I'm in a very adult relationship. What do I know though, I'm only in my early twenties? I still revert to childish actions here though. Jealousy. Envy. The need for attention. The thought of losing him kills me. The thought of losing him to someone I am skeptical of kills me even more. I love to think that I'm an adult. But this is where I find so much truth in the above quote. We grow unevenly. We grow in some areas and not others. One day it will balance out. 

Some of the issues I have spurs from lack of self confidence. Weight has been a struggle for me for years. I got on track and lost a good bit, and over time gained it back. Sometimes depression gets the best of me which never helps. That's when the negative thoughts pour in and consume me. This is another area I need to find growth and development in. Do I need to get healthier? Yes. But should I be beating myself up over it so much? No. 

Being positive and having a better outlook on things will help me to grow and develop in these areas. In order to be happy on the outside I need to find strength and be happy on the inside. This is not something someone can change for me. I must do it alone. 

So how do you grow? Slowly over time. These things don't happen over night. I do find myself teetering on the fence on both these issues regularly. One day I find myself controlling my emotions and not letting things get to me. The next day I beat myself up and revert back to where I was before. 

But the fact that I'm teetering shows me I'm trying. I'm working on the growth I want to see. I'm not forcing it. But I'm trying. And that, I think, is the first sign that the change is coming. 

Graduated College.... Now what?

I sit here, on the eve of graduation... Like most, I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around what I have accomplished; the memories I have made; the challenges I have faced; and the incredibly scary, looming thought of what comes next...

In my four years in college I have experienced a wide range of things: good and bad.  I've had bad roommates.  I've had great roommates. Let me tell you - having bad roommates really teaches you to appreciate the good ones.  I've made friendships, I've lost touch with people - some of which I've reconnected with.  Others, its like we never missed a beat.  I was in a car accident (during finals week none the less).  I lost family members due to death, but gained new ones when I was welcomed in by my aunt's loving sisters and their families.  I learned that I could work under pressure, stress, and deadlines.  I solidified my hatred of group projects, but came to terms with the fact that the work place is a group project, and you've gotta get over it at some point.  I faced rejection, as well as success.  I had not one, not two, but three internships, in a field I never thought about going into upon entering as a freshmen: radio.

So, what did I learn from college?

1. Always expect the unexpected... and usually at the worst time.  Life happens.  You've gotta roll with the punches.  Sometimes, good things happen! Sometimes, not so good things happen.  Take things as they come, the reason life is so good is because the hard times make the good things as great as they are.  Embrace the unexpected - in the end, things work out!
2. A closed door means another one is opened... you just have to find it! If you would have told freshmen me that radio was what I wanted to do, I would have laughed and said you were crazy.  Sports was my world.  After facing rejection, I took a desperate leap to find something, hell, ANYTHING, that would accept me.  I was beaten down, lost, confused, and had no idea where to go.  Someone was kind enough to give me a chance, and I somehow built up enough strength to give something unknown a chance... And I LOVED it! 
3. Get out of your comfort zone... sometimes, its not so bad! Sometimes, you've just gotta try new things.  I don't mean go shoplifting.  I mean new experiences! Try new foods, talk with people of different opinions, try a new religion, go crazy.  You can always go back :)
4. The best things come in small packages... this is not a joke. Sometimes, look past the big and glamorous! Great things can come from the most unexpected, overlooked areas.  And sometimes, bigger isn't better.
5. Travel any chance you get... there is a great big world out there! Need I say more? Explore! Find new places. Who knows, it could be you're future home!

There is a lot more I could talk about... College went by in the blink of an eye for me.  I moved 3,000 miles from home, lived on my own, and experienced so many things.  I made new friends, expanded my network, and learned who I am as a person.

You'll never be able to keep in touch with everyone you met, but hopefully you'll be able to remember the times you spent together, and look back on college as a great experience.  It was a lot of work, and a lot of stress, but it was also a lot of fun and something I'll never forget.

I leave my fellow graduates with the following.... It may be an old song but I feel the message still applies...

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance